In today’s society, the word ‘NO’ is connected to negativity and lack of progress. As a consequence, such people are supposed to be negative and have been labelled as lazy and obnoxious. However, knowing when to say “NO”, can make the difference between living a happy or a super stressful life.
In this article, you will find out about the power of “NO” as we explore what kind of people say “YES” all the time and why. I have included a series of questions that you need to ask yourself so that you don’t end up like these “Yes” people and allow you to capitalize on the power of NO! Before you learn to say NO, let’s first see if you are a Yes or No person with my little quiz:
Table of Contents
The Yes-No Quiz
Please answer the following questions with a Yes or No answer:
- Are you one of those people who are always busy, always working on a goal but never achieving anything?
- Are you always eager to help people achieve their goals and yet are unable to fulfill your own personal tasks?
- Do you always complain that you don’t have enough time to realize your dreams?
If the question is ‘yes’ to all the above questions, then you might be suffering from the syndrome of ‘Yes man’.
Yes, you read that right.
Being always eager to help does not always work to our benefit as one might think.
What kind of people cannot say “No”?
Now let’s take a look at what kind of people are unable to say “No” and why:
People without a strong belief system
Ask yourself this: Do you really know who you are?
If you died today and someone asked your closest friends and family ‘what did he/she stand for’, do you think they’d be able to answer that?
Most people have no idea of who they are, what their morals are or what they stand for.
It is the same people who always complain that they don’t have enough time…
But knowing yourself is the source, the starting point of your journey. Some people take that for granted but it is very valuable. Even if you have a goal right now, the time will come when you will be required to take action. If you do not know yourself, you will have no idea where to begin and eventually give up your journey or get lost on your way. This is simply because you have no ‘home’ to go back to. Knowing what you are made of is your safety belt, your anchor which will keep your ship of life at bay during times of need.
Spend some time in silence alone with your thoughts and just think of the following:
- Who are you?
- What do you love mostly about yourself?
- What do you not like and want to change?
- What do you stand for?
What are your personal beliefs on:
- Work,
- Religion/spirituality,
- Movement and health,
- Diet,
- Politics,
- The planet and the environment,
- Love,
- Sex,
- Marriage.
What do you want to achieve?
How do you want to be remembered?
What makes you:
- Happy?
- Unhappy?
- Satisfied?
- Unsatisfied?
- Excited?
- Grumpy?
Try to think about every possible subject imaginable. Knowing the answer to all these questions will help you put together a blueprint of YOU.
This is the absolute start and having this information will determine the rest of your life.
So pick your morals and beliefs and stick with them.
However, over-commitment to ideas should best be avoided as it leads to fanaticism, the poison of the human race. All wars (regardless if they are about power or money) use fanaticism as a disguised vehicle of fear which help people get on board the ‘flight’.
People who have no goals in life
Most people have no goals in life. Others have ‘dreams’ but don’t really go after them. That being said, the following questions will help you determine what you want from your life.
Ask yourself:
- What are your goals in life?
- What do you want to achieve?
- What do you love doing?
- Do you want money?
- Love?
- Attention?
- The perfect body?
- The perfect house?
- The perfect marriage?
Find out your goal and then find out WHY you want it.
- Do you really need it?
- How will you getting your goal benefit the rest of the planet?
Your goal should always serve a higher purpose (in some way), since being too self-involved provides temporary happiness which dissipates in time. Contributing to the greater scheme of things is more important than you think.
Your goals in life will help you determine the yes and no’s of your life. It is your destination and without this, you are truly lost and miserable as you will have no true purpose in life.
Without a destination, there will be no journey and you will end up being just another lost soul floating around, waking up to go to work, eat, sleep and repeating the cycle forever.
People unaware if they are leaders or followers
Leaders- followers-and everyone in the middle
Most people are born to be followers. There is nothing wrong with that.
Others are born to be leaders and that is what they do. Also nothing wrong with that.
The problem is when those who are born leaders live the life of a follower. This is mostly because these people have been conditioned in that way and are unaware of their true potential.
Here’s a quick and easy way to find out which one you are – Just answer the following question:
Are you happy working for someone else helping them make money and live an awesome live while you suffer?
- If you have no problem with that, then you are most likely a follower.
- If you actually feel upset about this, then perhaps you were born a leader.
Now that does not mean that you are a leader of other people, it’s more along the lines of being a pioneer and having the potential of doing something that others cannot. You can lead the path for something that was previously not attainable.
People without defined priorities
There are a lot of people who are true leaders, know themselves and what they want and yet are unable to reach any goals.
So what’s missing?
Priorities!
How can you know what to answer (‘yes’ or ‘no’) when you don’t know what is most important to you?
This is often the trap that everyone falls into (and never come out of). The trap of living a life of yes, a life where everyone else’s shit comes before yours.
Take the time and ask yourself which one of the items below is of the highest importance to you?
- Your career?
- Health?
- Money?
- Your wellness?
- Being famous?
- Family?
If you said ‘all of the above’, then you have no set priorities. You need to pick one over the other. You need to take the time to build a pyramid where the top represents the highest priority and the bottom the lowest.
For example, a pyramid would be:
- Family first,
- Then wellness and health,
- Then career,
- Then money.
Let’s imagine the following scenario: Your boss asks you to work overtime on the weekend your son has an important ball game that you don’t want to miss out on.
- If your top priority is your career advancement and money and you could care less about your son’s game, then it is an easy yes.
- If your top priority is your family and you do not want to disappoint your son, then it should also be an easy NO.
image source: Facebook.com
Ideally you should answer in accordance with your priorities. For example, ‘yes’ in the first case and ‘no’ in the second. If however, you answer against your personal priorities, beliefs and desires. For example if you say yes in the last case, then this will create a serious amount of inner conflict!
Inner conflict is something you must strive to eliminate from your life. Our modern society has enough demands as it is and that creates a massive amount of external pressure. Having pressure both externally and internally will eventually tear your mind, body and soul apart.
People who live in fear
At this point, I need to mention one last parameter that may or may not influence the outcome. Fear is something that we must never leave out. Fear can make or break a man. So if you have a NO hanging by your lips and fear is holding you back (afraid of losing your job or getting your boss angry etc) then none of the above will work unless you remove fear from your heart and life.
Remember this: Living in fear is not living at all.
Removing fear is ESSENTIAL. In the next article, I will reveal to you one of the ways to remove fear.
One last thing: respect and self-respect
Respect is something that is lost today. Everyone is looking out for no1 and no one gives a damn about those standing next to them. But this is not what this article is about and I do not want people to think that this article is only trying to make everyone into a narcissistic, self-centered, egoistical asshole. It is far from it.
For me, respecting others should be a given. When we love and respect others around us, we tend to put our needs in the backseat. When that happens, we only live to serve other people’s needs while ours become suppressed, only to come back to haunt us years later.
It becomes a vicious circle and you must break it. Caring about your needs is not a sin. It is just as important as caring for others around you. If you are the only one who cares about others and everyone else does not return the favor, you are in fact guilty of perpetuating an imbalance in the universe. No, you shouldn’t be counting favors rather just (learn to) be aware of the people who surround you. Be aware of those who treat you like a tool and take advantage of you.
And let me put it another way. By saying “NO” to someone, you are making a point. You are in fact demanding their respect for your time and effort.
Cutting yourself some slack is self-love. And when you have lived a life serving others, putting yourself first is not a sin. In fact, it is important for your own personal growth and survival.
Closing Notes:
Your new life is out there waiting for you to live it. A life of true freedom, where you are not afraid to say what you truly feel! A life that is less stressful, a life that is yours! All you need to do is, decide if you want to make that happen and then go after it. It will not be an easy journey but that is the price of true freedom.
And every human being has the duty to go after their dreams and find the freedom they deserve. It all begins with one word: NO!
I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I did writing it. Putting together this article took a bit of time but it will only take you a second to click on the Share buttons below and show your support to this blog.
Also if you have any comments or questions, feel free to leave a comment and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks!
by Nick Sigma
CWC, EH, E-YRT200
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